super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
