Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
