I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
