I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
