Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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