I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize