Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
