I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
