i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can I color on your dick again?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
