You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize