No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
