the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize