Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
