I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
