Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
