YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
