He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
