Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
