Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
