Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
