Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
