fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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