I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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