so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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