i jhust puked up my retainher.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize