u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
