Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
