I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
