what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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