there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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