we have officially lost it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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