no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
