Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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