I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
