You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
