Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
