Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
