You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
