We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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