I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
