i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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