Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
