i wish my penis had a tongue
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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