The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I did not marry a roomba.
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