Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
