Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
