nut hugger
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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