I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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