My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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