remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
