im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
