if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
