Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
