haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
