CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
