I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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