Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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