didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how does that bad decision feel?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
