The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize