Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
