i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize