found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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