i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
