would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My pussy is not your playground.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize