True but thats because hes a fetus.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
