question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
